Leadership: Reporting Down Might Be The Way Up
By Dr. W. Craig Gilliam
Something we were withholding
made us weak until we found it was ourselves.
--Robert Frost
If you try to save your life you will lose it. If you are willing to lose it, you will be saved.
--Mark 8:35
Let me keep my distance, always, from those
who think they have the answers.
Let me keep company always with those who say
“Look!” and laugh in astonishment,
and bow their heads.
--Mary Oliver
The Senior Minister of a large church asks me to lead a staff retreat. The intentions of the retreat are to help them connect more deeply as a team and to help them talk about the elephants in the room that they do not know how to get onto the table. He says that they are a highly gifted group, but are having some difficulties; they are stuck. After some conversation, I agree.
The first day of the retreat goes fairly well. As one would expect, some resistance is in the room, but the level of resistance is normal. In the evening after the first day, the Senior Minister and I have coffee. He tells me what he is hearing, learning and feeling. His comments are brutally honest. Without any prompting from me, he talks about his part in creating their current situation, the ways he has colluded and his shortfalls in leadership. It is a kind of humble confession. I feel his pain and hear his genuineness and humility. I also know that he is a mature person with strong gifts and graces. He asks, “Tomorrow, would it be helpful for me to tell the group what I have just told you?”
I believe he has the emotional and spiritual maturity to say it to the others in a responsible manner. If he can, it potentially will have a deep impact on our movement. He is speaking at the level of emotional/spiritual process. When a leader does so in a healthy way, it invites others to the same place. But I want both of us to think more about it before committing to it. I respond, “Let’s decide in the morning after we sleep on it, and if in the morning we both feel the same, then do it.” The next morning comes, and we both agree.
The staff gathers. I light the Christ candle and ring the bells for our gathering (which is part of the ritual). The Senior Minister begins, “I have something to say, something of a confession to you. As I sit here looking around this room, it is a privilege to know that I have been part of hiring almost everyone in this room. To have a group of people of your caliber, with your gifts and graces and talents on the same staff is amazing. What a team. But I must confess that there have been times when you have threatened me. To be honest, my concern has been that you could do my job better than I. Thus, at times, I have withheld information about parishioners that would have helped you do your ministry better. At times I have visited people in the hospital or in their homes who you could have visited just as well if not better, but because of their status, I wanted to get the credit. At times, I have taken the lead, when it would have been more responsible and effective for me to get out of the way, but I was concerned about getting credit than your providing effective ministry. Out of fear I did not make the best decisions for us, and I apologize for it.” The room was deathly silent. Everyone was still—not just their bodies, but their hearts and souls.
After taking several deep breaths, he continues, “From this day forward, I commit to you that my ministry is to help you do the best you can do and be. My questions are, How can I help you? How can I support you and help you to grow? In fact, from this day forward, my ministry is to help you do the best you can do so you can take my position. Wow, what a talented group! For holding you back, for not trusting you, I am sorry. From this day forward, my commitment is to support you and help you grow. My commitment from this time forward is to help you succeed in your ministries and life.”
What he says is powerful, courageous, responsive and eloquent, but what opens the space even more than his words are the way of his heart when he says it. He speaks from that deep, still place with humility and honesty. Deep calls to deep. He was in an I-Thou place and he invited others into that same way of being. Responsiveness invites responsiveness; honesty invites honesty; I-Thou invites I-Thou ways of being together.
After such deep honesty from the leader, one of the participants stands up, goes to the bell in the center of the circle, rings it twice as a way of saying, “We need a moment to pause and digest what has just happened.” All I could say was “Wow!” The group conversation drops to a deep level of emotional and spiritual process. The remainder of the retreat is at the level of those deep I-Thou conversations that cultivate deep level change. We know that we are on holy, sacred, uncharted ground, and all are okay with it. The rest of the time, we could see the pillar of fire leading us a step forward in the wilderness.
What invites the participants to that level of encounter or genuine meeting in this story (Martin Buber’s language)? First, the leaders heart, the way of his being or soul is in a caring place for the people with whom he ministers. S/He is in an I-Thou place. Second, the leader’s willingness to be vulnerable, authentic, open and honest (transparent) opens the space for genuine encounter. Third, the leader’s courage to express or act on the way of his heart in a manner that has integrity invites the participants to an encounter. Blessed are the humble.
In the above story, the minister sees his imperfections as part of his perfection, and through that, the staff connects. The leader isn’t or does not need to be the hero. He is a person on a journey just like the others, and in this moment, he creates and lives out of that I-Thou place. The way he talks to or reports, In some ways more like a confession than a report, is on his struggles and shortfalls. He is not above or “better than,” or a Pharisee praying, “Thank God I am not like other people.” He is saying, “I am one of you. We are in this together.” As a result, they connect as fellow human beings. In our cosmology, he “reports down” (not literally, but figuratively). In our theology, the way up is down.
Months later I contact the minister to see how the staff is doing. The minister says, “They are doing great. New trust has grown among the staff; new ways of being together and supporting each other. We have made reporting down as part of our time together, for it fosters the kind of environment that helps us all to grow, and we want to sustain it.”
Do you think the minister lost power by being honest, by confessing his shortfalls, by reporting down? No! By giving it away, he actually gained power and trust. I am reminded, “Only by loosing life, do we gain it.” The culture becomes one of wowing! It is one of support and help. When the leadership can work in that manner, it manifests in the body and multiplies ten fold.
One way they brought this change is by flipping the flow chart upside down. More accurately, this church does not flip the flow chart upside down, in some ways they throw it away, for flow charts the wrong model for their place on the journey. The old flow chart is no longer adequate for the wilderness.
Gil Rendle states, “We have been thrust into an exodus, a prolonged wilderness, in search of a future way of life.” He comments, “Ours has been such an exodus, an escape from a constraining past in search of a promised, and findable future” (Journey in the Wilderness, p. 1). In our old models we are the hero/heroine who always “plays as if he/she gets it right” and expects the same from others. This new way of “reporting down” makes space for the honest journeyer who is finding his or her way, asking questions, learning with others as they travel. It invites less ego and more soul.
They start reporting down along with reporting up. It becomes a part of their language and supervisory model. As a result, they said the conversations became different. It created a space for honest conversation. As the one supervising admitted her/his shortfalls as well as celebrations, it made space for the one supervised to do the same. They became supervisor and supervisee for each other, while still recognizing one’s place in the system. Their positions changed according to the moment and need. Thus, because of trust and honesty, they did not spend time convincing the other of their value, but rather getting to the deeper conversation about what they have done well? How we can do it better? What they did not do? Etc. The conversation was based on learning for results, growth and excellence in ministry in a way that deepens community, not divides it.
In my journey, I am amazed how the stories we tell are often when we did it right, when we were the heroes or heroines; when we knew the right answer that lead people to the “Promise Land.” My experience is that my deepest learning happens not when I get it right, but those times when I miss it, get it wrong or blow it. While painful, pain is a great teacher. When I react, not respond. Those are the source of deep learning and growth. Yet, those are not the stories I often tell to others when teaching or leading groups. To others I talk about when I got it right, and how they can do the same. In fact, when I am honest, it is sometimes difficult to even remember those stories of when I blew it. I have a way of rewriting those narratives, sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously, so I hear them differently than how they really happened. In time, I even believe my own created narrative. If deep learning grows out of mistakes as well as successes, why can’t we learn, as the minister did in the previous story, and construct behaviors and ways of the heart around it? Why don’t we develop models that are more congruent with this insight about learning? I must confess, I have not.
The most influential supervisors or bosses I have had are those who naturally have done this. With integrity, they were honest about times they blew it and were not afraid to talk about and learn from those experiences. In telling these stories of mistakes they made, they were reporting down. They would take responsibility for their mistakes without blame or judgment, and they would challenge me to do the same. They were in touch with their humanity, thus making space for mine as well. They would help support me and help me to grow, but it was with me not over me. Paradoxically, I found the more they were with me, the more they were over me. So even when they had to make difficult challenges to me, I could hear it more clearly and differently because of our relationship—I knew they really cared.
Does this mean the supervisors do not supervise? No. It simply means that he/she does it in a different way, coming from a different place. Their openness and honesty (Presence) models what it means to hold oneself accountable. As a result, it makes space or creates a culture where people openly hold themselves more accountable, which to me is at the root of the deepest kind of accountability.
Through several of these type encounters, I begin thinking, as a good Methodist, what do we learn from these encounters? What is an insight this brings to me/us? How can we use it and create a method that helps us get to that place for supervision? What did my good supervisors know and embody that I/we have missed? I frame it as “reporting down.” Following our methodical Methodist way, the following offers some questions as a method or questions to use to reflect on reporting down—
· Who are the people who report to me?
· For each, the biggest way in the last month that I have failed to fully support and help them grow, and any other mistakes or misunderstandings I feel I need to make right:
· For each, what is my plan? What do I propose to do about it? How do I propose to more fully support and help them to grow?
· Beginning this morning and continuing each month thereafter, meet with each of them on the items I have identified in the previous questions.
Also:
· List the problems/challenges I am facing within my staff, team, committee or congregation.
· For each, list those, etc., I believe are primary responsibilities.
· Now think about how I have contributed to this problem (perhaps through neglect, over management, not sharing information, failure to lead, and so on.)
· Now meet with the person(s) and say that I want to talk with them about X problem/challenge. Then tell them how I have contributed to this problem and what I propose to do to begin contributing to a solution. Then invite them to do the same. At each stage, after reporting on themselves, each person should ask the others the following: “How else do you think I have contributed to the problem?”
Sometimes, reporting down is not an official or formal meeting. Sometimes it is informal. For example, the person who forgets to give another staff member something they requested. Walking in the hall, they encounter one another. The one who was supposed to provide the information does not need to hide or feel embarrassed. S/He simply says, “I forgot to get you the information you requested. I apologize. I can have it for you tomorrow morning. Will that still help you? Once again, I apologize. It will not happen again. I hope it has not made a hardship for you.” This creates and reinforces a community of support and teamwork. It is based on the question, How can I support you and help you to grow? Or how can I wow you by how I support you?
When the leader is willing to be honest and humble in her/his reporting, it creates a culture where others can be honest about their shortfalls and celebrations as well. Then, instead of shortfalls leading to punishment, embarrassment or punitive action, it can lead to growth and a culture of honesty and accountability. And the accountability is based on us holding ourselves that way, more than someone looking over our shoulders.
To change a culture, one step is to “report down” with integrity, notonly up. When I encounter such a meeting with a person or groupof people, it is a genuine wow! In Martin Buber’s words, “All real living is meeting.”