1. What does marriage/relationship means to you? You should start there 1st & explore your own views/expectations of what you want.
2. 2. Why are you in a marriage? What was it about that person, or the REAL REASON you are in this relationship or marriage, and please don’t give a textbook/churchy answer! Go way deep to the answer you buried in order to maintain your current relationship /marriage. It really takes you being honest to yourself before you can with others...p/marriage. It really takes you being honest to yourself before you can with others...
3. Don’t believe the myth: Love is what keeps a marriage or relationship going....NOT!
4. What makes you want to be in a relationship? Look within as to why you are in one or desire to be in a relationship.
5. Its not about one doing most of the work in the marriage and the other doesn’t do any of the work! It is about accountability & involvement of both parties.
6. Are you ready to be serious about your marriage or just having fun? The person may want to be serious; don’t lead them on! Be fair and let them know where you are so they can Choose to be in it or not.
7. To get the right one, you need to be the right one!
8. 8. 8. The difference between symptom management and healing resolution is the former stabilizes, Not resolves. Many claiming to be ‘experts’ tell you things you already know just to feel you were right about the matter, but then What? Does being right resolve conflicts? Don’t look for instant fixes, look for real solutions..., its cool!
9. Don’t go to every person for marriage/relationship advice. You have to qualify who can speak to your situation and discern who really have its best interest.
10. Don’t pattern after someone else’s connection, not your parents, mentors, etc, take what are your own beliefs, standards, morals, and create your own brand new original connection, if you have to RESET to do that, its okay to do so.
11. How were your past relationships? What was it about them and the person(s) you decided to give them a shot? Why didn’t it work? Look at your past relationships to determine what you want and gravitate to...it tells a story about YOU!
12. My colleague, Dr. Deb Lanio states, One of the common problems with sex and couples is what is called Hypoactive Sexual Desire D/O, and it is not that women have low sex drives, women have to take the majority of the burden, work, children, family, work. So try to understand what depletes the romance from both parties.
13. get things resolved and the man wants to sweep it under the rug and get on with life. Well Im too busy looking at how high the mess under the rug is to get my groove on...Why tolerate imbalances in marriages? Each person may feel they are doing more than the other, but you get what you permit. It is about balance, boundaries, and accountability. Step back to let the other start doing more, and Hold them accountable for their part.
14. 14. verbally communicate how you feel because if you don’t it will come out, i.e., arguments, resentments, anger, infidelityfeel because if you don't it will come out, i.e. arguements, resentments, anger, infidelity, etc.
15. listen, Really listen and hear. The way you view things may not be the others view. Look at things at all angles, not just yours. The other is really telling you how they feel, and it may not be verbally...
16. Start facing the truth, and stop falling back on excuses. Close doors that are potential pitfalls to your marriage. Stop staying blind like everything’s ok or that it will go away, it won’t till you do something different to get different results!
17. Why not be involved in each other’s interests? Why do things have to be limited to spousal duties and roles? If ones a rocket science and other is into trash collecting, you better get to studying on those areas to be involved in what’s important to each other, otherwise there is someone lying in wait that will study what your man/woman likes in order to really support where you are not! Don’t give any room!
18. There’s only 3 choices you have concerning your marriage, equally work at it, let it stay the same and with all that comes with letting it stay the same, or dissolve. People barely look at the last choice as a choice, but you have to be honest at where you are in your marriage and if you have done everything in your power to make it work, but you cannot make it work alone, it will wear you out and it’s not fair to you. He/she must work too!
19. Do you fit? Are you two connected? You got together because you thought opposites attract. You feel you made a mistake, but it’s all in the perception, look at it as differences attract and try complimenting each other and enhance each other in your marriage
20. Married Couples, ever heard of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? Get the book! It talks about the type of person/characteristic you and your sig. other are, such as Word of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. When you have a chance to know yourself, then your significant other will know you! And Start knowing you first not as a role, but as a person.
Extra Tip: Christian couples, please put things in the proper context when it comes your marriage. Face it, are you hiding behind the spiritual hoping it will work itself out or go away? Go to the Pastor for your spirit, BUT go to the Counselor for psycho/physiological affects to your marriage. Expose...